Wednesday, February 9, 2011

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY, CYCLE 17: COMMITTED

The prompt this time was such a super idea. We were told to grab the closest book at hand, go to Page 56, pick out the 5th sentence, and that was to be our starter sentence. How wild is that? My starter sentence, as you can guess, was ‘Very dead’. Right up my alley. What this came from was a book I’ve just recently finished and must recommend it highly. It is a thrill ride and a half from beginning to end. Definitely make sure you read this one. It’s called Fever Dream, from 2010, and it’s by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Without further ado, I offer you Committed.

COMMITTED

Very dead. Yep. I guarantee it, so no worries. I know what you’re thinking--that dead is dead. I used to believe that too, but now, I know better. You can’t just make them sort of dead. You have to make sure they are very dead. You think I’m crazy, don’t you? Well, I am. Like a fox. Let me explain.

The first time I ran across one of them was eight years ago while I was living in Detroit. I had always known I was special in that way, you know what I mean. That I was a man who could see below the surface. That I could see behind the mask, as it were. You still don’t get it, do you? Okay. I’ll be blunt. I can recognize them anywhere, any time, in whatever form they’re using. Surprised?

Not being gifted in the way I have been, I’ll bet you’re wondering who they are. Whatever you do, hear me out because I don’t want you to get all caught up in stereotypes. We’ve all seen the movies, watched the TV shows, read the books, and developed images in our minds of, well, the things that they are. They are not from Venus or some other outer space region. They are not flesh-eating zombies or howl-at-the-moon werewolves you’ve seen on the late, late show. I’ll admit that I’m not positive about where they originally came from, but I think it’s probably from underground somewhere. Maybe.

All I know is they’re evil to the core and they’re here. They put themselves inside humans--I’m not exactly sure how they do that yet--but I always know when they’re in there. It’s the eyes, you see. I read in a book once that the eyes are the window to the soul or something like that. Now, I don’t know about all that soul stuff, but when I look into the eyes, I can see the evil and I know it’s one of them. Then I have to kill them. But, don’t be scared about it or of me either. It has to be done. Otherwise, they’ll just take us all over. See?

Going back to what I was saying before, about that first one in Detroit, I had just left work and one of them came up to me right there in the street. I was walking to the drug store for some smokes, and it was kind of late and there weren’t too many folks out at the time. It stepped out from one of the alleys and grabbed my arm. When I looked into its eyes, I knew. I took my knife out, the one that I’ve carried since I was a Cub Scout, and I stuck him good. I noticed right away that they make weird noises when you’re taking them out, so I promised myself that in the future, I‘d go for the throat first. Wouldn’t want them calling out to others of their kind to come and help or anything. I stuck him a few more times just for good measure so he wouldn’t get up. You can’t let them get back up because they know how to fix themselves if they’re not all the way dead. So, I make sure.

I ran into a few more of them while I was living there, but I took care of them real good. There was some talk at work about people finding the bodies around the city, but I couldn’t let on what I knew. I couldn’t let it get out that I was the one who could identify them and wasn’t afraid to take them on. Some of the guys at work started looking at me kind of funny after awhile, like I knew more than what I was telling, but I figured maybe they were starting to get taken over. The problem was, they were my friends, my brothers, you see. No matter what ended up being inside of them, it would always be that way. The only right thing I could do at that time was just to leave town.

I spent some time in Frisco, the Windy City, the Texas Panhandle, and it was always the same. After I would take a few of them out, those things would set their sights on those closest to me, knowing I couldn’t gut a friend, even to remove the evil within. The only thing I could do was just to keep moving on.

I’m currently living in Miami, the land of beautiful people and sunshine. There are so many people here, and of course, I know exactly what that means. Then again, now so do you. Right? With all the constant coming and going, I must be hyper-vigilant, but I haven’t run into any of them just yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time. They’re here. Somewhere. They’re everywhere.

I did get hired on real quick, which is always a good thing, so I was able to find myself a nice quiet place on the beach. The view is wide open on all sides, so none of them can ever sneak up on me. You have to be careful; they’re known for that. In spite of my previous bosses acting kind of strange around me, they still always refer me well to my new bosses, and they should, really. I’m very good at what I do. Of course, I’m talking about my job here, not the locating ‘them’ thing, although now, you know I’m good at that too. I love my day job. I always have. Especially our motto. Protect and Serve. That’s what I do.

12 comments:

  1. You always achieve a readable narrative through your effortles confidential tone Joyce. I loved this, the humour edged with darkness, the build up and the ending, you are Lady Noir.

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  2. Excellent story, I rate it with one of my favorite books, Twilight Eyes by Dean Koontz. The main character has a similar ability to see evil inside things that look like people. As I read the book at first I couldn't decided whether the character was insane or a hero.

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  3. I enjoyed this - the bit f a twist in the ending was perfect. :)

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  4. Joyce - a joy to read and you kept me guessing from the start! I wasn't sure whether he was going to turn out to be a complete 'nut job' and that his relocation to Miami was in fact a different psychiatric hospital. The ending smacked me in the face - scary!!

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  5. Very Scary and a great twist! I really liked the tone and the feeling of being drawn in by the narrator. Good work as always.

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  6. Creepy! I like the person narrating, would like to like to learn more about this person's "job"...

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  7. Thank you so much, Richard. When telling a story this way, I try very hard to make it sound as if my character is having a nice little comfy chat with you. A chilling and unnerving little chat, but still. And even in the darkness, there has to be a bit of humor.

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  8. Hi Beach, Thanks for taking the time to stop by. So glad you enjoyed my little peek into the mind of well, is he delusional and dangerous or is he mankind's savior? I'll never tell.

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  9. Hello B, I agonized over the ending. I needed it to end with a bang. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  10. Sue, So glad you enjoyed this one. It sure would have been comforting if he had been transferred from one facility to another, but unfortunately, he's on the loose. He's also a cop, so he's got a gun in addition to his Cub Scout knife. Not someone you want to be alone in an elevator with...

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  11. Thanks much, Flannery for taking time to stop by and comment. Glad you liked it. I wanted my character to lead you in and shut the door behind you since he needs you to see the big picture as he sees it. Of course, he crossed over into the Twilight Zone years ago, but just hear him out. One never knows...

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  12. Ingrid, Isn't it comforting to know this fella is out on the street carrying a badge, a gun and his Cub Scout knife? What a world... Glad you enjoyed it.

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