Monday, February 2, 2015

Game Day - Week 5 of 52round2


“Herbert, sit down at the table and eat your meal.  If you go wandering through the house with your plate, there will be a trail of crumbs all over the floor and the carpet in the living room.  I don’t have time to be sweeping and vacuuming ten times a day.  There’s a new family that is moving in next door, and I have to keep an eye on them to see what they’re up to.”

“Helen, I won’t leave a trail of crumbs anywhere.  There isn’t even anything on my plate to make crumbs with.  I mean, all I have is meatloaf and mashed pota…”

“Herbert, will you look at the size of that moving van?  How are they going to fit all that stuff into that tiny house?”

“Helen, I can’t see the television if I sit at the table and since it’s Monday, I would really like to watch the 6 o’clock…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  Sit down and eat your dinner.  Stop distracting me.  I’m trying to see how many mattresses they unload.”


“Herbert, hurry up and change your clothes.  You look like something the cat dragged in.  If we don’t leave soon, we will be late and I refuse to let you make me look like a fool since I reserved a seat for the both of us.”

“Helen, where are we going?  You know on Tuesdays after lunch I like to watch my favorite…”

“Herbert, I told you to hurry up.  We cannot be late for the film showing at the library today on treatment of athlete’s foot in the elderly.  I signed us up for the movie and for the lecture that comes after.  They will only hold our places until the lights go out, so get moving.”

“Helen, neither of us has ever had athlete’s foot and I’ve been waiting to see this episode.  It is the one where the judge plans to reveal who found…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  Just put a jacket on over that ugly shirt you always wear on Tuesdays.  Sometimes you can be so thoughtless.”


“Herbert, turn that television off and move the couch and recliner into the other room.  I’m steam cleaning the carpets this morning so they’ll be dry by this evening for when my knitting club arrives.  Hurry now so I can get started.  I don’t want to have to pay for extra time on this equipment that I rented from the grocery store.”

“Helen, there’s only ten minutes left to this show.  Right after this commercial, they’re going to be interviewing my favorite actor about his new movie.  You know, the one that’s called The Beast in the…”

“Herbert, you need to get your hearing checked.  Didn’t I tell you to turn that television off right this second?  I’ve already got the machine plugged in and ready to go.  I’ll start here where you’re sitting, so get your recliner out of my way.”

“Helen, that carpet cleaner is so loud.  If you could just turn it off for a few minutes, I would be able to hear the details about this great new movie while I’m moving the…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  I can’t have a conversation with you with this machine on because it’s too noisy.  I’ll turn the television off myself while you hurry and get this furniture out of the living room.”


“Herbert, help me carry these cupcakes out to the car.  It’s my turn to bring the snacks this week.  We’re going to have an enjoyable time.  I’m glad I signed us up when I did because there were only two spots left.  Come on, Herbert.  We don’t want to be late.”

“Helen, what did you sign us up for?  You know on Thursday evenings, I always watch that reality show about the windowless house on the…”

“Herbert, turn off that foolishness and put your shoes on.  I’m looking forward to our Thursday night card games, so stop being to selfish.  I signed myself up for Canasta and you’re going to be playing Pinochle.  There was one spot open and your partner is going to be Wilfred Haston.  You remember him, don’t you?  He’s the one who beats you every year at the church’s pie-eating contest.”

“Helen, you know I can’t stand Wilfred Haston.  He’s senile and spits when he talks.  I’ve been following the people on this show and tonight, they’re going to vote on who put a hole in the wall to let in some…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  I’ve turned that silly show of yours off so you have no excuse for any further dawdling.  Let’s go, because those cards won’t shuffle themselves.”


“Herbert, Turn off that nonsense you’re watching.  We can’t be late for our Friday class.  We’re going to be learning how to cook on an outdoor grill.  Once we’ve completed a few classes, we can purchase one, because by that time, we will know which is the best model on the market.”

“Helen, You know I always watch the cooking channel at this time on Fridays.  Besides, today, the show is all about outdoor grilling and I think we’d learn so much more if we sat and…”

“Herbert, help me carry these chickens out to the car.  Grilling whole chickens is going to be today’s lesson.  I’m very anxious to learn how to grill ribs too.  They are so expensive at the restaurant and we will save so much money if we are able to do it ourselves at home.”

“Helen, I learned how to grill ribs last Friday from watching this show.  I wrote it all down on a card and put it in the…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  Hurry and take this meat out to the car so we can go.  I don’t want to miss a minute of our lessons.”


“Herbert, Turn off that television and put on the suit I have laid out for you on the bed upstairs.  I’ve also put out your comfortable shoes because you’ll need them tonight.  I don’t want you to complain to everyone about how much your feet hurt.”

“Helen, I’m watching the weekly sports updates.  They give you all the scores for all of the…”

“Herbert, Make sure you put on a clean undershirt too.  Since we’ll be switching partners at the Saturday night dance class I’ve signed us up for.  I don’t want you to embarrass me with stains on your shirt.”

“Helen, I always like to watch this sports show.  It helps to keep me informed on all the games that I miss during the…”

“Herbert, what are you going on about?  Make sure you put a handkerchief in your jacket pocket too.  It helps to make you at least look dignified.”


“Herbert, turn that television off and come help me clean out the basement.  There is so much clutter down there.  Most of this is junk that you have saved and haven’t touched in years.  We need to get it all ready to take out to the curb for garbage pickup tomorrow morning.”

“Helen, there’s plenty of time.  I’ve been waiting to see this football game for weeks.  For the first time, there are two teams that I like playing each other.  I know all the players and I’m anxious to see how…”

“Herbert, you’ll need to put a new light bulb at the top of these basement stairs.  It’s very hard to see where you’re going without any light and it would be very easy for someone to slip and fall and hit their head on that concrete floor.”

“Helen, that is by far the best idea you’ve had in years.”

"Herbert, what are you..."

That’s when I pushed her down the basement stairs.  She made a little groan when her head hit bottom, but there’s been no sound since.  I’m going to watch my football game now and when it’s over in a few hours, I’ll call somebody and let them know about Helen’s unfortunate accident.  First though, I’m going to get a big bowl of chips and pretzels and bring them into the living room so I can have some snacks while I watch.  I sure hope this one goes into overtime!

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