The prompt this week was heat – lots of it. Heat in a random
location, with a random object. We were given six choices of location and six
choices of things.
Location: Thing:
Awards dinner Press-on
nails
Dark lake Onion
rings
Car wash Remote
controlled drone
Parking garage Box
of animal crackers
Village plaza Plastic
fork
Quiet suburb Folded
sheet of paper
I rolled a 3 and a 4, which was a location of car wash, and
my thing was a box of animal crackers. What a combo! I decided to have fun with
these, and I hope my little tale makes you smile too.
It’s Gonna Be A Really Bad Day
Of all the days for aliens to pick to invade and deep fry Earth,
why the hell did they have to pick today? Saturdays are my day to catch up on
all the household type nonsense I put off during the week. Since the wife ran
away with the mailman – I know, it’s the classic stand-up comic’s line – I was
left with this five-story house and credit card bills. The house was always
more than we could handle financially, and those credit accounts in my name
that she maxed out just add insult to injury. I wonder if these tentacled space
goons have incinerated my house yet. Surely those blood-suckers at the bank
wouldn’t expect me to finish paying off my mortgage, would they?
Currently, I’m solely responsible for all of it. I do the
cooking, the dishes, the laundry, the shopping, the vacuuming… I don’t want you
to think I expected my wife to do everything on her own. I helped her with the
housework when I got home from my job and on my days off. I believe that
marriage is a partnership; although, my scrubbing the kitchen floor while she
was linking up in the sack with our mail carrier is not exactly what I had in
mind when I described our relationship at a 50-50 level.
Work is a nightmare, with all the young studs climbing over
close-to-retirement me on their way to the executive suites, and for the
reasons I’ve listed, home’s no picnic either. The time I most look forward to
each and every week is the 15 minutes or so I spend here at the car wash. I can
sit back and relax while my car is pulled through on the track and chow down on
my favorite snack of animal crackers. Weird? Maybe, but spending those few
minutes with the water sloshing all around and the zero taste of tiny tigers
and giraffes bring back memories of a happy childhood. Now, these bug-eyed bastards
from outer space have ruined it. Why do these kinds of things always happen to
me?
I can hear people screaming outside, and buildings exploding.
Their heat rays are sure doing the trick, especially in here. The water’s so
hot, it’s melting my windows. The contents of my box of animal crackers look
like they just came out of the oven. As my SUV caught on the track and started
moving inside, I saw the ships coming down closer and closer, and all of a
sudden, streams of what looked like liquid fire began raining down. The hits seemed
random though; it appeared as if they deliberately chose not to wipe everyone out
in one swoop. They’re probably planning to use survivors as lunch meat on their
sandwiches for the trip home. Then again, perhaps, this will become their new
home, and those same survivors would be lined up as the entrees in some grand buffet.
Who knows where they came from or why they came here. In the
overall scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter much. Obviously, we have no
defense available against them, so why fret about it. I’m going to continue to
enjoy my animal crackers that are pretty hot right now, and wait out the melt.
I have to admit that in these last moments, I’m going to try to find some
comfort by imagining my ex and her mailbag-toting boy-toy ending up as hors d’oeuvres.
What a great story. I feel so sorry for him - his life really sucks. And keeps getting worse. But, he is determined to enjoy the last few moments as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mike. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I chuckled while I was writing it. His life really does suck, but perhaps at the end, he can enjoy the last laugh!
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