The prompt this week was to write a story about something
important being lost. Sometimes by losing something we believe has value above
all else, something even more valuable is found.
LETTING GO
Since she hadn’t spoken one word to me on the way to the
restaurant, during dinner, or on the ride home, I assumed the evening had gone
well. There had been no complaints and no recriminations; so, it really took me
by surprise when I heard her scream from her bedroom. She had gone in there to
hang up her coat, and I wondered if that was the moment she realized she’d
actually left the house and returned in one piece. It had been almost two years
since she’d gone outside. I ran into her bedroom and found her slumped in a
corner grabbing at her chest.
“Are you all right? When did the pain start? Don’t worry
because I’m going to call an ambulance right now.”
“No, Daniel. No pain. Look what happened. You have to get it
back right away.”
She was holding the gold chain around her neck with one hand
and the other hand was waving wildly in the air. Her breathing became irregular
and she began to cry.
“I hope you’re happy,” she said between sobs, her tone angry
and accusatory. “You knew how much that meant to me and now it’s gone. You
pulled it off when you bumped into me, didn’t you? How could you be so cruel?
What am I supposed to do now?”
I finally realized what was causing her so much concern. The
heart-shaped locket she had worn every day for the past 30 years was gone.
Apparently the clasp had broken and separated from the chain. Her husband had
given her that piece of jewelry on their wedding night. Within the past couple
of years however, it had taken on a special meaning.
“How can you say that? I know how much that locket meant to
you. You’ve been wearing that every day. Sooner or later, it was bound to fall
off. I know you had it on when we left this evening. I don’t remember if it was
still on there while we were eating. I’m going to call the restaurant and ask
them to check under the table. Maybe that’s where it fell off.”
“Don’t waste your time. I know I had it in the restaurant
because when I went to the restroom and washed my hands, some water splashed on
it and I blotted it dry with a paper towel. It was taken from me on our way
back to the car. Remember when you bumped into me on the sidewalk? That’s when
you pulled it from the chain.”
“I did no such thing. I accidentally bumped into you because
there was something on the sidewalk and I tripped. How can you accuse me? You
know, in a way, this might be the best thing that could have happened because
maybe we can finally bring out into the open what’s been going on. You and I
haven’t had a real conversation about anything since the funeral. I’ve tried to
be patient and understanding, but this situation has reached a point where it
is so far beyond bizarre that it has me frightened; not of you, but for you.”
“Now you’re saying I’m crazy? Is that it?”
“Of course not. I just feel that you’ve let yourself be so
overcome with grief that you’ve lost touch with reality. Listen to what you’ve
been saying. You’ve actually accused me of deliberately causing you to lose
something that I know is very important to you. Tell me that you don’t really
believe I would hurt you that way.”
“That locket and what it contained was all I had left of
Jack, and you knew that. You kept telling me over and over to get rid of it.
Since I refused, you made sure it would be lost. It’s somewhere in the city
now, probably kicked from the sidewalk into the street, run over again and
again by strangers in their cars and…”
“Stop. You know it wasn’t the locket I asked you to get rid
of; it was what was inside of it. That flower had turned to dust and it gave
off the most offensive odor.”
“Lies. All lies. You don’t know anything. Yes, my husband
gave me that locket on our wedding night, but do you know why that flower was
so important to me?”
“Yes, I do. I know all about how…”
“It was our 28th anniversary and we went out for dinner.
On the way to the car, Jack wanted to take the long way around and go through
the park. He had proposed to me on a bench by one of the ponds and he wanted to
go back there just for a moment.”
“That was a wonderful thing. You told me when you got to the
bench, he asked you to sit down so he could…”
“When we found that bench, he asked me to sit down, and as
hard as it was for him with his arthritis, he got down on one knee and proposed
to me all over again. There was a tree next to it with beautiful little flowers
on it, and he picked one and handed it to me.”
“He always loved you very much. He would often…”
“When we started back on the trail, that’s when those awful
boys with the knives came along and told him they wanted his wallet. He gave it
to them, but still they…I know why they…”
“You don’t have to go through this again. It’s too…”
“They kept stabbing him and I kept screaming until those
other people came to help, but those boys ran away. All the police and the
questions and the blood all over my coat. They kept my coat, you know. Said it
was evidence. I don’t know why, but I reached in the pocket before they took it
off me and there was the flower. I don’t remember putting it in there, but
there it was.”
“I know, and that’s when you put the little flower in the
locket where it’s been ever since. I understand, but it’s gone beyond the
locket and the flower. Until tonight, you haven’t been out of this house since
the funeral and it’s been two years. You have everything delivered to the door,
and if I didn’t bring you the mail, a couple of years’ worth of it would still
be sitting in the box at the end of the driveway. His clothes are still in the
closet, and everything is as it was before he died. This house hasn’t been a
home since he was buried; it is a tomb, and you are the corpse inside of it.”
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into leaving the only
safe place I have in the world, and look what happened because of it. My locket
and my flower are lost now. My life is lost now, and it’s all because of you.
How could I have been so foolish to trust you?”
“Mom, your life is not lost. A piece of jewelry and a dead
flower have been lost. Yes, they were both important to you, but they were your
things. They were not your life. You’ve never been able to move forward since
Dad died. I won’t rattle off the so-called normal stages of grief because
there’s nothing normal about grief. But you’ve convinced yourself that you
could only go on as long as you had that locket and remnants of a flower. Now
that they’re gone, you’re gone too?”
“You don’t know what’s it’s been like. You never grieved for
him.”
“Mom, you don’t mean that. He was my father – the best
father anyone could ever have. I think about him and miss him still. But life
does go on. It moves forward. It must. You have resigned from the land of the
living and that’s so wrong. I don’t believe in signs and fate and all, but
perhaps the loss of the locket and the remains of the flower is a way to make
you realize it’s time to let go.”
“You want me to forget him and just go on like he never
existed?”
“Of course not. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It
simply means to let the memory of him go where it belongs, and that is to a
special place in your heart.”
“I’m just scared.”
“I know, Mom, but don’t worry. We’ll move forward together.”
“My locket and my flower, they are both lost, aren’t they?”
“Yes, Mom, they are, but not you. Not anymore.”
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